Poetic Ramblings

And so she turned her back
On everything she once held dear
It started with letting him go
And ended with a tear

Was there a meaning to it all?
She was struggling with the reasons
And hoping as time went by
It'd be like the changing of the seasons

Always the good girl, but feeling so empty
Given new opportunities, she felt driven
To experience the unexplored, unexpected
To live the life she'd missed livin'

So now she wants a clear direction
To know which path to choose
And she's trying to find the answer
Does she have all, or nothing, to lose?

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

The 28th will mark 2 months that I have been single....

Sometimes
I still wonder
How it would have been
What I would be like
Who I would be today
If things had been different...

Sometimes
I still wonder
Why we don't talk
We drifted
Yet  were once so close
If things had been different...

Sometimes
I still wonder
Why it's so hard
To just let things go
I find myself needing you
If things had been different...

If things had been different
I would be different
Would that be okay?
I like who I am
I love who I love
If things had been different
It wouldn't be this way...

I wonder...
If things had been different...
Would things be okay?

MmmMmm

Yeah, ain't it the truth?
I want to speak, but find I can't.
I want to change, but don't know how.
I need some inspiration, but don't know where.
So I button my lips
And mm-mm is all you hear.

See I've got these little tug-of-wars
That go on inside of me
Do this, say that, go there, stay here
And I don't know which thing to chose
Or who to spill my heart to
So I keep my mouth shut
And mm-mm is all you hear.


-inspired by Natasha Bedingfield's music-

Round 'n' Round

Round and round and
Round we go
This strange melodic dance
Swaying and stepping
Keeping the time
The motion of the dance

Round and round and
Round again
This strange rhythm of life
Backwards and forwards
Staying in step
The motion of my life

More at home behind a camera
I choose to take pictures
To remember you by
'cause some say that pictures fade
Memories stay
But for me
They're hand in hand
These pictures I take
From behind my camera
Help me remember
Never forget
And while I'm at home
Behind my camera
I'm starting to wonder
What I'm missing
From behind the lens
Of my camera

Woman

I am a woman
A woman that's strong
A woman that knows
But yet somehow, doesn't

I am a woman
A woman with faith
That faith needs some working
And figuring out

I am a woman
Don't call me a girl
I have grown up
And I am a woman


-=-=- dag nab it a I MISS MY POETRY. I just looked back and saw how many I wrote in '05.... but now, they just... they don't seem to express... -=-=-


Expression

So it sits inside me
All of the things
I want to get out
And it sits inside me
This faith of mine
Does it do any good
Without expression

I want to express
All that I love
All I hold dear
Much more than religion
And I want you to know
I'm more than you see
I go so much deeper
There's way more to me

It's not just my faith
There's a woman inside
A woman that's growing
I can no longer hide
And I have to express
I have to shout out
And I have to love
To know my Jesus
Because I'm more than my faith
Yet my faith
Is me


Faith

Faith
So much impact
In just one word
Faith
Can make people humble
Or angry
Or... anything
Faith
Can be so confusing
Yetbring such comfort
Faith
Without it I'm nothing
Without it I'm lost

Forever Young

The question has been asked
With answers hard to find
Now things of the past
Are running through my mind

Would I really want live
As one forever young
When I have so much to give
My life's song is sung

Still the memories linger
I'm feeling melancholy
As I remember all of those
Who made my life so jolly

So to all of them who made me laugh
And those who shared my tears
I would like to say I'll remember
Throughout all my years

I don't write much any more. I miss it. But it never seems to flow any more... do you all think I should keep trying? ...I'm gonna try now... Man it's weird... I don't know why I stopped...

Reflections

Memories fall like leaves in the wind
Dancing merrily through my mind
Tracing paths and graceful swirls
To find the place where they will rest

Reflections and memories
The good and the bad
Trial and error, laughter and joy
All come together
The fabric of life

Days gone by and lessons learned
Have I forgotten?

So I'll scoop them up
Throw them into the air
There they will be
Free to dance again


Notes

Cascading rhythms
Melodious tones
Harmonies building
No note stands alone

Laughter and smiles
Mercy and grace
Friendships are growing
Yet you feel alone

Look around you
Just open your eyes
You might be surprised how others
Feel the same as you


=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
*sigh* it just doesn't come any more.... is it because i don't have love woes to poem about? :-P

Dreams in Passing

Stop now and think a moment
Reflect a while with me
Remember days of warmth and slumber
Remember dreams long passed
The warm wind rustling through the leaves
The world peaceful and content
Not a care on any mind
Dreams of joy and of hope
Smiles playing 'cross sleeping faces
The birds singing merrily
And while the world takes its rest
I sit here alone
Looking out at the scene before me
As I dream of you
I look at the clouds drifting, carefree
See the flowers dancing in the breeze
The warmth of the day wraps 'round me
AS I dream of you
So take a moment here and now
To dream a while with me
These days go by oh so fast
Turning in to dreams long past
While life and love move us forward
Hopes and joys fill our hearts
Moments together, moments apart
All turning in to dreams
Turning from the present to dreams in passing

Today I'm Missing You

Reflecting on the way things were
Knowing that those days are gone
Like walking in the moonlight hand in hand
Laughing together, sharing dreams
I'm hoping maybe somehow, someway
All that could be rekindled
It's hard knowing I still love you
Wonder if you might still love me
So as I sit and contemplate
About how sweet it was
I start to wonder if it was true
I start to second guess it all
The only thing I'm sure of now
Is that today, I'm really missing you

-=-=-=-=-=-=

The Things I Miss

I miss the way you'd hold me close
Feeling at home in your arms
Hearing your voice on the telephone
Telling me you thought of me

I miss being your silly girl
Seeing you smile at my quirks
Confident in knowing your love was true
And you were laughing along with me

I miss your crazy randomness
Tangoing across the street
Bursting in to billy goat yodel
I'd blush, then shrug my shoulders and smile

I miss the way I dreamed we'd be
Sharing this life together
Pressing on though it was hard
Hoping we'd last forever

But now it seems
This dream must fade
It's hard to give up hope
Still I will keep pressing forward
Taking each day as it comes
I know that things will get easier
AS I keep moving on

Advice Givers (Somebody Told Me)

Somebody once told me
I smiled to much
I tried to hold back
Until I realized
It was just a part of me

Somebody once told me
I ought to grow up
It made me wonder
If they didn't appreciate
The kid in me

Somebody once told me
I speak too freely
I wonder if it's true
But if I didn't share
No one would ever know
How much I care

It seems there are a lot of things
Lots of somebodies have told me
So I'll listen, and take their advice
And do with it what I will
'cause after all
As soon as they give it
It's mine, and I can do with it what I want

From the Heart

I can't write any more
Freely from my heart
For now I am too concerned
About making works of art

And so instead of feeling better
Sometimes I feel worse
I cannot write what I feel
In perfect line and verse

My thoughts need some expression
I have enjoyed this venue
But it seems I have no real talent
With which to say what I need to

So my feelings, they stay locked with-in
I can't find the words I need
For while I long to write it out
Underneath I hear your words

They tell me that I should do better
And yeah, you apologized
But I can't seem to write again
What is in my heart

If I can't hold
Myself together
Than why should you
Hold me now
If I can't stand
On my own
Than why should you
Lift me up
If I can't be
All you want
Than why should you
Stick around

I try to be
All I ever wanted
And to be
What you want too
I try to be strong
To not let myself quiver
But sometimes I
Just need a moment
And someone to hold me
Until it's over

So when I can't hold
Myself together
And when I can't stand
On my own
Please know that I
I am trying
I just need some support
Some help to press on

And if the time comes
That you find you can't stand
And you have no strength
Within yourself
I will be there
With what you have given
And I will have something
To give back to you

Forgotten

That's how I feel
As if I've dropped
From this planet
And no one
Really cares

Forgotten

Am I forgetting me
Trying to make
You happy
And pushing aside
Who I really am

Forgotten

What is this
All about
I'm trying to fight
This nagging fear
That you have
Forgotten me

Twenty

I'm twenty now
Yeah, it's true
It amazes me

And all around me
On every side
People tell me
What I ought to do

You tell me I should
Think for myself
Don't let them
Push me around any more

"Think for yourself!"
You say it a lot
"Don't let people tell you
What you should do!"
Well, excuse me, then why are you?

So yeah, I'm twenty now
I guess I'm supposed to get a life
Umm, who says I haven't been living?

And yeah, maybe I do need
To make my thoughts my own
To plan ahead a little
To do some so-called "growing up"

But tell me, everybody
What makes you think
I'm doing it all wrong
Since when is doing things differently
Something to be looked down upon?

so. to all you all who wonder... yes, I still write - I just don't post most of it on here any more. So I decided to try an' write one for all the world to see. :-P

New Tomorrow

Looking out
Across the blue
Seeing all my troubles
And above
The stormy sky
Hanging low and dark
Thinking upon
The love we share
And all that my heart holds
Wondering when
This will all work out
Shivering against the cold
Wrapping tight
My arms around me
Holding on to sorrow
Letting go
Seems hard to do
While looking towards tomorrow
Remembering all
This life holds
The joys
And cares
And trials
I look across
See storm clouds breaking
A smile lights my face
For I know, though life is tough
I'm gonna make it through
And there's always a new tomorrow

Insomnia

Laying awake
Thinking of you
Thinking of the many things
That I have to do
Staring into the darkness
At the black ceiling
Counting the specks before my eyes
Wondering how you're feeling
Sighing, I again close my eyes
Trying to sleep but it won't come
There are too many things clouding my mind
Enough to fill a book and then some
So as I wait and toss and turn
I pray, and think, and dream
I think about the things for which my hear yearns
And wake up the next morning
Wondering when sleep finally came
Claiming all these things to the night

Waking

Opening up my eyes
Waking from my dreams
Letting go of all my hopes
Trusting there'll be better things

Holding on until tomorrow
Letting go brought some sorrow
Because when I woke it was then I found
Our friendship was gone, you were never around

The memories are fading and dreams are clouding
I have let you go
And I can't remember how it was
I think I'm starting to grow

But still I wonder, now I've woke
Why it is we can't be friends
I wonder if maybe you'll wake up too
And find yourself holding the jagged ends
Of a broken Friendship
What will you do,
When will you see it's up to you?

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Pull Away

Maybe I shouldn't get to close
'Cause it might happen again
Maybe I shouldn't share so much
And make it harder for you to get in
Maybe I'm scared of the past
And I'm afraid it will just repeat
I'll let myself get to close
Right when you decide it's time to retreat
So maybe I shouldn't
Or maybe I should
Give you the chance to see my heart
Maybe I should just pull away
Before you do so first

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Fears

It seems my fears
Number so many
They're almost everwhere I turn
The fear of growing up
Of becoming who I'm supposed to be
The fear I might miss a chance
Or mess something up
That I'll share my heart
And still be alone in the dark

The fear that I've used up
All my second chances
And that I'll make the same mistake
The second time around
The fear of letting go
The fear of hanging on
And wondering how
To bid all these fears
Goodbye

Try

Are you afraid to grow up
Afraid to let go
Afraid to hang on
To all that you've found

Letting go of the past
Looking forward to the new
And afraid to move on

Is there a longing
Deep in your heart
To become a man
But you're scared that you can't

And do I
Make you want to try
Make you want to learn
To love again

Is that how it is?

-=--=-=--=-=--=-

Inspired by the song "Try", by Bebo Norman

Don't Want to Love You Any More

It's been so long
I need to let it go
You said you'd never love me
So I don't want to love you anymore
I've been told I deserve someone
Who will love me as much as I love him
So I don't want to love you
Anymore

=`=`=`=`=`=`=`=

Slow Sadness

This is a slow sadness
Slowly filling my heart
Leaking in like a breech in a dam
Dripping in like a leaf in the rain
Slowly it's filling
Filling me up
Slowly it's becoming
All I can feel

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Hope for Tomorrow

I feel a longing
Deep inside of me
I hold inside a hunger
No one can see
I have an aching sadness
It's hard to let this go
I feel a lingering hope
And I cna't let you go

I feel all of these things
They're deep inside my soul
And while I feel sadness
And it's hard to let you go
Still I hold on and move on
And I have with in this hope
A hope for tomorrow
A hope that makes me whole